Self-Disciplinarian

18 September 2008 · 4 comments

It sucks to have a lack of self-discipline.

The month of August was rough for me. For a variety of reasons, I was under tremendous stress. My response was to do all the bad things I could think of, and do them a lot. I ate a lot of junk food. I drank a lot of alcohol. I played a lot of World of Warcraft (and other videogames). I did not write, did not exercise, and did not do my chores around the house. I gained 9 pounds between the end of July and the end of August. Unsurprisingly, my depression returned with a vengeance. It was a mess.

Fortunately, I knew it was a mess. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to stop. In the end, I decided to confess my self-destructive behavior to Kris. She wasn’t happy, of course — who can blame her? I wasn’t happy, either — but she listened patiently, and then helped me get my shit together.

And I have managed to get my shit together. It’s shocking, but good. In the past ten days, I’ve stopped eating junk food, stopped drinking alcohol, and deleted World of Warcraft from my computer. I’ve begun exercising again. I’m eating better (still not perfect, but much better than I was). I’m getting my chores done. I’m answering e-mail. And, best of all, I’m writing.

In fact, I’m writing so much that I’m almost a week ahead at Get Rich Slowly. Just two weeks ago, I was scrambling for every post.

I wonder why it is I sometimes lack self-discipline. If I knew, I could fix it. Sometimes this “flaw” makes life fun, but only in the short-term. (Long-term, it almost always makes life worse.)

Anyhow, things are back on course. I’m exercising, writing, and eating right. Now the key is to keep things going!

1 Denise September 18, 2008 at 07:09

Everyone falls off the horse occasionally. Plus it sounds like life gave you a big, helpful push last month as well. I think you’ve already won the battle – you realized you’re butt was on the ground and you needed to climb back into the saddle.

Anyone who says they never stray off the “good” trail is lying. We all have our days…or weeks…or months. Life is too short to worry about it too much, as long as you keep getting up when you fall off.

2 Denise September 18, 2008 at 07:10

sorry for the grammar…that should have been ‘your butt’, not ‘you’re’. At least my commas are all where they should be…

3 Kris B. September 21, 2008 at 09:33

In my experience, depression is stressful, and stress can trigger depression, and it’s got little to do with discipline or willpower. I hope you won’t be too hard on yourself.

Glad you’re back on track!

4 Karl - Work Happy Now September 22, 2008 at 11:55

I think Kris is right. You need to find healthy stress relievers instead of going back to the old habits. It’s hard, but it’s about figuring out a way to enjoy the better habits more than the old ones.

I’ve been there. I actually wrote an ebook about depression and suicide. It actually helped me dive into why I made self destructive decisions.

I went to see a professional therapist and that also helped me get a grasp on my thoughts and emotions.

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