All Good Things

1 January 2012 · 121 comments

2011 was a wonderful year. I met some awesome people, visited nine countries (U.S., South Africa, Zimbabwe, Botswana, Namibia, Zambia, Canada, Peru, and Bolivia) and five states, accomplished some long-standing goals, and generally lived life to the lees (to quote my favorite poem).

Having said that, the last six weeks have been very difficult. In fact, they’ve been the darkest days of my life. And the start of 2012 is going to be a challenge. Why? Six weeks ago, I asked my wife for a divorce.

I’m not going to discuss the whys and wherefores of this decision on the internet. Kris and I are both experiencing enough stress as it is. I’ll only say that there’s no acute crisis here: nobody’s cheating on anyone, and nobody’s doing anything rash.

This process is harder on her than it is on my, obviously, since I’m the one initiating it; but trust me: the divorce is no piece of cake for me either. I’ve turned into an insomniac. I sleep maybe four hours a night. And three times in the past two weeks, I haven’t been able to sleep at all. It’s miserable.

Kris: “Those are the only two benefits of getting divorced: No clutter and I’m eligible for a Roth IRA again. Wait. Are you writing this down?”

While I’m not going to write online about my reasons for choosing this path, please understand that I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think it was in the best interests of both of us. (Kris disagrees, obviously.)

Also, it’s important to note that Kris and I are working together to build the best possible relationship going forward. We’ve seen folks go through bitter divorces, and neither of us wants that. We want to remain close friends. And so far — after six weeks — we’ve been able to do that. We’re still living in the same house (although I move into an apartment this weekend), and we plan to see each other regularly. We’re doing a “kitchen table” divorce, where we make the decisions and then have an attorney translate them into legalese.

Our biggest conflict so far? (Other than the divorce itself, I mean.) Who has to take the TV? Neither of us wants it. Not kidding. But that problem solved itself last week when it self-destructed while Kris was doing her morning exercise. Now neither of us has to be burdened with it!

This news comes as a shock to many people; others are unsurprised. My request is this: Please be supportive of Kris. She needs it. (I need it too, but I know many people aren’t inclined to support me right now. I get that.)

Some will probably view this divorce as a sign of failure. I don’t see it that way. I’m glad to have spent 23 years with Kris, eighteen of them as a married couple. But that chapter has come to a close. It’s time for us to start new adventures, both together — and on our own.

Though our real-life friends have known of this decision for six weeks, and Kris made an announcement on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, this is the first time we’ve put the news out onto the web. I’ll mention it at Get Rich Slowly soon, as I describe the process of hunting for health insurance and acquiring a new apartment.

{ 1 trackback }

A place of my own
30 August 2019 at 00:11

{ 120 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Michael K. 16 January 2012 at 20:57

Last time I checked, marriage was not intended for personal happiness. Marriage is a contractual obligation–often with the promise made–”til death do us part.” It is a commitment not to present happiness, but to the future person of the other. The commitment is–”I’ll be there for you now, and in the future.”

Somewhere collectively we’ve decided marriage is about personal happiness–which is insane considering whenever you bind two humans together for life you are bound to have many peaks and valleys. In other words, I think we have come to expect too much from marriage. We wish it to provide more then what it can really offer–so we are disappointed with it, and we get rid of it.

That being said–I appreciate J.D. not beating around the bush and even publicly acknowledging what is going on. I also want to note that none of us know the full story of what is going on, nor should we, nor are we privy to that information. We should be slow to assume we know the motivates of others, and even pretend to know those motives. Lets remember that here. At the same time, I stand behind my general comments about marriage. I will pray for continual reconciliation during this hard time.

Reply

2 Thomas 16 January 2012 at 21:10

JD are you sure the decision to be friends is not selfish on your part? As you stated, Kris doesn’t want the divorce. Inevitably somewhere in Kris’s mind she likely clings to the hope that you will change your mind (even if she doesn’t admit to this).

Moreover, the decision to remain friends represents a safety net for you; denies Kris time to mentally digest what has happened; and perhaps makes her more agreeable to separating assets than she otherwise would be.

Finally, maintaining close contact right after a decision like this may stall her from moving forward with her life. I see very little benefit for Kris. If you really want to be friends, limiting communications at least for a while seems the way to go. Taking a trip with Kris also seems like a bad idea, especially when she disagrees with the Divorce.

Reply

3 Lucille 17 January 2012 at 02:34

JD, really feel for you. I’ve been there too. We were married for 22 years, together for 27 and I was the one who wanted out. My break-up was messy (3 kids + clutter!) but nearly three years later we’ve weathered the storms and are all in a better place. It’s good that you and Kris are amicable – I did not have that at the start. I was seen as selfish and, in a way that’s true, your self-improvement is a path that only you can forge. No one else can hear or even understand your heart’s calling. I live alone (the kids come and go) but I love the quiet moments to think and just be. I don’t regret a thing. I wish you well on your journey and you might like to dip into my blog (www.wisdomona.blogspot.com) for some “uncommon” relationship advice such as: “Divorce is the new marriage”. Lucille

Reply

4 Jaime 17 January 2012 at 02:55

Michael, marriage should be about happiness for both people! This isn’t the 15th century where people got married out of obligation and societal expectations. I think JD would be cheating Kris if he was staying in a relationship out of pity and not love.

Kris and JD both deserve to be loved. You know Thomas is right though JD, don’t make it hard on Kris, don’t string her along, don’t make her go on vacation with you. Give her some time to grieve. Its hard to move on if you see that person each week.

I hope you both find what you’re looking for. I can’t help but be on Kris’s side though.

Reply

5 Ros 17 January 2012 at 03:02

Just learned about this today through the GRS post, I’m sorry to hear about what happened. My mind is somehow too simple to comprehend how married people can grow on separate ways after 23 years of being together. Where the love goes then, that it wasn’t able to weather the storm…

Reply

6 Jen 17 January 2012 at 10:00

I wish you both all the best in the next chapter of your lives.

My only comment, and absolutely not meant judgmentally, is that I hope Kris truly is OK with you telling everyone that you initiated the divorce and not just being a “good sport” about it. That seems, somehow, just too personal.

Reply

7 Eddie 17 January 2012 at 10:04

Dude,

Been reading you a while at GRS and love the work and from the nuances of your writing I have gotten some flavor for you and your wife. I’m sad to see you throw away your marriage. I have been married for 25 years now and no single year has been easy but they have all been worth it. Getting over the rough spots whether they involve bad stuff (fighting, cheating etc.) or just lack of any personal feeling of “this isn’t the life I want” is important as a person. You made a commitment that you are now breaking for reasons that you haven’t explained but unless she hasn’t held up her end you can’t end this just because its not the life you want. You have to find a way to grow as a couple or you are failing as a person. Be open with Kris about why it isn’t working for you and the two of you come to an agreement about what compromise makes it okay for both of you.

Bottom line: divorce isn’t the answer unless she is cheating on you. Make it work or fail as a person.

Reply

8 Kate 18 January 2012 at 19:29

I dont think your argument is very thought out at all.
I completely agree that marriage is a committment and that getting through rough spots and changes of feelings is part of the journey.
But to say ‘you cant end this just because it’s not the life you want’ doesnt make any sense! That’s exactly why a marriage should be ended. Circumstances…cheating, fighting etc….can perhaps be overcome. But if a person ultimately decides that they want something different from their life, how can they continue in the marriage? It should require time and careful thought of course, but I dont believe in sacrificing one’s happiness and fulfilment in life for the sake of upholding a contract which, at that point when the emotional commitment is gone, essentially is just a bit of paper. We dont know JD’s thought processes, and I’m sure he didnt take the decision lightly. Nor should be know. But I’ve been really shocked at how critical and judgemental people have been with so few facts.
There are many married people who are miserable and merely go through the motions of their ‘married life’ with little desire to be there. We only get one life, and I believe that as long as we are kind, respectful and fair to others, there should be no shame in making the most of it and living how we wish. Sometimes we can compromise or find ways of making things work, but sometimes not. I dont say this lightly, as I believe that much effort should be made to preserve a relationship – but I believe that everyone has the prerogative to compromise only so far as they are willing, and sometimes not at all. Marriage is very important, but so are many other values, and who is to say which should take precendence in a person’s life?

It would be far worse for JD to stay in a marriage out of nothing more than duty. That would be terribly unfair on Kris, and I’m sure she’d be mortified and humiliated to find out years down the line that he was only there to uphold one vow made decades earlier. My parents divorced when I was young and I’m so thankful that they did. After trying hard to make things work they decided to split and it’s clear to everyone who knows them that they grew apart, and 20 years later are such completely different people who as a couple now would be absolutely incompatible. Could they have made it work? Perhaps….but to see where they have decided to take their lives of their own accord, it’s clear that their goals and ambitions grew into very different things. I’m glad they were both able to fulfil those desires, rather than ending up in some pale, second-rate version of their dreams somewhere in the middle, and resenting each other.

Life is not what it used to be. We no longer have a job for life, but now many people have multiple jobs and/or careers. We can travel all over the world. We can pick and choose what education we will receive. We dont live in small towns and villages but often in big cities and will meet so many people through our lives. And therefore we cant foresee the future – we dont know what will influence us or who we’ll be. We can only hope and try as hard as we possibly can to stay together. Funnily enough I am a bit of a romantic and do think marriage should be entered into with the commitment of forever, but realistically in this world, I think divorce will happen more and more.
It doesnt have to be a negative thing. People can go through divorce and move on to have happy, successful and enjoyable lives!
And after the length of JD and Kris’s relationship, I hardly see that as a failure. If this really is the end for their marriage, I’m sure they will be able to look back (once the dust settles) and be proud of the time they were able to be there for each other.

Reply

9 Lily (from Italy) 17 January 2012 at 14:07

Hey guys, I really hope you get through this in the best possible way.
Hugs

Reply

10 Ash (in US) 17 January 2012 at 14:23

Hi JD,

I thought it best to leave this comment over here instead of at GRS after reading all of the comments. My heart hurts for Kris and for you. I don’t know you, and I realize that. I only know what you’ve shown the web–as one of your other readers put it, “the character JD”. I don’t know what is going on behind the scenes. I’m not going to touch what should be done for either of you–I have no personal experience with it.

What I will say is, “try meditation”. Or, “Try Tai Chi.” You mentioned yoga, but for me, Tai Chi worked better. I’ve not seen it suggested. There are calm movements and still moments, which works better for my active brain. There are also standing/sitting meditations, which helped me calm down and work through my stress.

For me, it helps me “still my soul”, as it were. I feel as if your posts have shown you are striving for something. Maybe this recommendation will help you declutter your mind.

Best of luck to you on your journey.

Kris, best wishes to you. Please take time by yourself to think and meditate. Listen to your support group, but make your own decisions.

I hope it works out amicably for both of you.

Reply

11 Edwin 17 January 2012 at 14:28

Hey J.D. longtime reader of your blog. I’m sorry to hear the news, I wish the best for both of you. I tend to see divorce as a major heart surgery, be careful and who knows maybe both of you will work it out in the end. Either way be strong.

Reply

12 crhage 17 January 2012 at 15:29

JD,

I am sorry to hear of your impending divorce. I am a long time reader and it made me sad to read your post today.

I went through a divorce in 2006 and it wasn’t easy. I initiated the divorce, but only because I couldn’t live with an alcoholic anymore. I personally do not regret the decision one bit.

It is good to hear that you are both going to try and remain friends. One thing to think long and hard about before signing your name to those final papers is the future. If this is some sort of mid-life crisis and you find yourself missing her desperately in a year or two, just remember that she may not take you back. How will it make you feel to see her move on with her life and find a new partner? What happens if she starts shutting you out of her life? Is that something you can handle? Remember that you are closing the door to the relationship, and sometimes, unexpectedly, those doors can never be reopened.

Like I said, in my case I’ve never regretted it. But, that’s not to say a lot of people do.

Reply

13 marriage is sacred 17 January 2012 at 16:04

It’s hard to see the honor in divorcing the woman you made a promise to 18 years ago. I strongly recommend you commit to marriage counseling before going through with this.

Reply

14 Jean 17 January 2012 at 17:06

Your decision to divorce your wife after 18 years of marriage is further proof that I should stop taking financial advice from you. If you can’t even protect your most valuable asset (your marriage), one that is shared with another (your wife), how on earth can you manage to think rationally about other decisions in your life? It doesn’t calculate correctly. I’ve always appreciated your honesty in your writing, so I have to be honest with you about how your decision may affect your readership.

Reply

15 amiable 17 January 2012 at 20:31

my husband had a fairly friendly divorce. it is possible. as a family we would be there for his ex if she needs us. she is a nice person.

Reply

16 Jason@Frugal Dad 18 January 2012 at 07:40

J.D, sorry to hear this news. Though we’ve never met, I feel like I know you after sharing the personal finance space these last few years. I imagine this was a very tough decision, and as a product of divorce, I know the raw emotions that come with it. I wish you and Kris the best as you move forward.

Reply

17 Ditto 18 January 2012 at 12:23

Society doesn’t make it easy to do what you have and for that I think it often takes more courage to leave than it would to stay. The energy I have put into creating the ‘happy’ front on a lifeless marriage for the past decade or more is exhausting so after 25 years I am on your path.

I haven’t had the courage yet to use the word divorce with my spouse, but we have talked about ending up apart, sooner rather than later. He’s no happier in the relationship than I am, but is less inclined toward change. I look forward to joy and celebration being part of my daily life, rather than a civil roommate relationship with his anger and resentment bubbling just below the surface. It’s the blowback I dread that is part of the reason for my deferring.

I support and admire your courage to be so honest in the most difficult situation, and to bare it to the fangs of the internet while you’re in the midst of it.

Know this: you are speaking to group of people who are taking heart from the fact that you’ve said the words and made the move and lived to tell the tale. I wish you both a happier and more fulfilling life together apart.

Reply

18 David 18 January 2012 at 23:26

JD,

I’m going through a divorce right now. I asked for it. I know how hard it is, being the one to leave. I understand, and respect, your desire for Kris to be supported through this. You need support, too.

I also understand some of the emotions you’re experiencing, some of the things you must be saying to yourself, and about yourself. Despite what some have said, there’s no “right” answer. There’s only what is. If the reality is that you can’t stay, you’re not choosing the “right” thing, you’re living in reality. Denying reality and staying in a failed marriage wouldn’t be fair to you. Or Kris.

I moved into my 700 square foot apartment in September. There have been ups and downs, times of peace and sadness. I’ve learned to experience these emotions, to breathe into them and accept them.

Finally, I learned to accept that even the things I was ashamed, the things that Made me feel like an asshole, didn’t define me. For me, this was freeing.

I know what you’re going through is specific to you, and your history. I know you don’t know me. And I know that being so close to your situation makes me feel a certain kinship with you. You’ll be in my thoughts, and if you ever need to talk to someone who’s walked the hard road you’re on, know that I’m available. I don’t offer that lightly, and I certainly don’t expect any response, but it’s available to you.

Reply

19 Mochi 19 January 2012 at 01:36

It’s always sad when good things come to an end, and perhaps this is for the best. But I can’t help but notice that you mention not once but twice (here and on GRS) that YOU asked for a divorce. Why not just say, “We’re getting divorced”? Why was it so important to you that complete strangers know that you were the dumper, not the dumpee? For all of your talk about compassion and doing the right thing and all of that, I’m not sure publicly humiliating Kris is the way to go about it.

Reply

20 jdroth 19 January 2012 at 08:37

Kris is the one who wanted it to be phrased that way. She wants it to be clear that this is my decision, not hers.

Reply

21 Mochi 19 January 2012 at 16:51

Ah. Well, it’s definitely a shame to hear about this whole thing either way! As a long-time GRS reader and relative newlywed, I was inspired by what a great team you and Kris were.

I guess I’m glad (?) to hear that the whole phrasing thing was her idea — it really made my heart hurt for her. Good on you, for following her wishes even though it made you sound like a cad on your own blog.

And thank you for explaining — I know you didn’t have to. Best of luck to both of you.

Reply

22 Mark Gavagan 19 January 2012 at 07:14

JD,

I’m sorry your family is going through this. Best wishes to all for the best possible outcome.

-Mark G.

Reply

23 Mike Holman 19 January 2012 at 10:27

I’m sorry that this is happening to you guys, but hopefully it will work out better in the end for both of you.

I can’t say I’m shocked however, since your lives seemed to be growing further and further apart over the past year.

Reply

24 kristi 19 January 2012 at 17:21

JD – Thanks so much for sharing this. This is something that me and my partner have been struggling with and its good to hear from someone going through the process with the goal of remaining good friends. We have the added difficulty of a kid and have not made a decision yet.
I know its emotionally draining to shift the role someone shares in your life. Wishing you the best as you follow your intuition and make each of your lives more full.

Reply

25 AnonymousToday 20 January 2012 at 08:16

Hi there — I was the one who, after 20 years of marriage, asked for a divorce and left my household. Lots of folks were as viciously judgmental as some of the comments I’ve read here: Telling me that I was a failure, a bad person, quoting the vows at me, commenting that marriage isn’t about “happiness,” that I must have come to the decision without the proper gravity, etc. It’s all bs, of course. Living within a relationship that has run its course is hell for everyone involved, and no amount of palaver will change that fact. You can’t make things the way they were through an act of will.

The experience taught me a lot about having the courage of my convictions, and that others’ opinions just really don’t matter when you’re doing what you know you need to do. When people in long relationships decide to end things, outsiders should hold their tongues. It’s hard enough as it is to untangle a long enmeshment.

Three years after the fact, I can say that, despite the pain of separation, I feel as if I’m living my own life for the first time in my adulthood. My ex says the same. The kids are thriving now that they’re not living in a household run by adults who are putting so much energy into making things work.

Reply

26 Dave 20 January 2012 at 09:49

J.D. I’ve been mulling your Monday GRS post over for a few days. I am reminded of a passage in Your Money or Your Life. There is an example about a man avoiding digging into his financial closet because that might mean he would have to admit remaining in an failed marriage, among other things. I frequently think about this with respect to my own marriage of 22 years. I married too young, didn’t leave early on when the opportunity was ripe, and now I’m in my forties wondering why I’m staying in this marriage. She is a nice person and we seldom argue (a lack of passion?). We’re effectively just room mates with diverging goals. Married and living single.

You’ve ripped the band-aid off and can get on with healing. So far I’m just prolonging the agony by ripping it a little bit and then pressing it back down. I wish you and Kris well, J.D.

Reply

27 marriage is sacred 21 January 2012 at 09:15

Oddly, you operate a website titled “Get Rich Slowly.” Getting a divorce has to be one of the worst ways to get rich slowly. I think it falls under “Get Poor Quickly.” Kobe Bryant just lost 75 million dollars in his divorce. I’m probably not the first commenter to point this out.

Reply

28 Karen 24 January 2012 at 09:56

JD, Wow, I cannot imagine living through a divorce on the internet… an image of an atomic bomb going off comes to mind. I think you are handling it with more grace than I could ever hope for. Try and make the supportive voices louder than the detractors, advice that I would find really hard to follow… a do as I say not as I do moment.

As an aside to those who feel free to throw around judgement, I judge you right back. It’s the end of a marriage not the end of the world, he didn’t ask you for a divorce, stop taking it so personally. The only one qualified to comment is Kris and she is showing more maturity than any of you.

Whew, I feel better now… All the best JD and Kris.

Reply

29 djswizz 24 January 2012 at 11:19

I would never quit my wife. My belief and my conviction. But sometimes it has to be done in order for others to move on. I wish the best.

Reply

30 Wes 24 January 2012 at 12:39

Sorry to hear this. You guys seemed to have a good thing together sharing life and frugality and I emphasize with my wife all the time how our living below our means is only possible because we work together. Obviously, being single you don’t have to work [deal] with anyone else. Maybe some day if you ever decide to write publicly about any of the whys you could offer some insight on how frugality may have affected your decision/ situation.
It seems like a number of success stories about frugality, wealth creation, etc. are about single people and there seem to be no end of arguments to fall into about money for a couple. I’ve always diminished those arguments and excused them with “I’d much rather argue about how much we are saving than how much we don’t have” but it can still really be a constant strain to want to make more, save more, spend less, etc. no matter how well you seem to be getting along.

Both of you take care of yourselves.

Reply

31 Sara 25 January 2012 at 14:23

I think it’s disgusting that you chose to do it in this way. You are making the mistake that celebrities and really tv people do, you believe you are obligated to your audience, and it gets to a point where it is over and above the obligation that you have to your wife. I also think it’s disgusting that you speak for her…”it’s harder for her..” and asking people to support her in your blog? I don’t know you or her, how many of your readers are people you actually know? How can we offer support to a woman we don’t know? And who are you to ask us to support a woman you are divorcing? Isn’t it up to her to turn to people she’s close to?? If it were me, I’d be angry at your presumption. It’s also condescending. I hope that she finds someone who values her in the way that you clearly don’t. Someone who won’t discuss her feelings with complete strangers. And someone who isn’t going through a classic mid-life crisis. If you ever get counseling, it’ll snap you out of it, and you’ll realize just how badly you screwed up, throwing away a 23 year long relationship. Hopefully by then, Kris will have moved on to someone better.

Reply

32 Tara 25 January 2012 at 16:39

I am so sorry to hear that you and Kris are getting divorced. I have been there twice, and it is extremely painful, and it leaves indelible scars, but sometimes it is necessary. I wish you both the best of luck and happiness for the future.

Reply

33 Tboofy 28 January 2012 at 16:53

I’m sorry about your divorce. Best of luck to both of you. Divorce sucks.

Reply

34 Amy 31 January 2012 at 15:24

It’s amazing how you can feel like you know someone just by reading their writing. I read GRS every day (but obviously not for the past couple of weeks! moving as well..) and your writing style is so open and conversational that I feel like I know you — I certainly get more updates on your life than I do some of my own friends! I’ve been busy with my own move and missed your post at GRS. So when you mentioned the divorce today, I was stunned, and have spent some time trying to catch up on what’s going on. It’s crazy since I don’t know you (I don’t even comment!) that I am so, so sad for you and Kris. I’ve so enjoyed learning from you, and learning about you, and I’m just terribly sad that this has happened. I do admit that I’ve been a bit worried with some of the things you’ve mentioned over the past couple of months — extended solo travel, the house, etc. But I was hoping that you both were working out a way to be more independent but still together. I can’t/won’t try to give any advice (I do actually realize that I don’t know you at all), but I will just hope for the best. Thanks as always for your honesty.

Reply

35 James 31 January 2012 at 21:11

JD, I’ve long respected you since the inception of GRS but I must say, even with your disclaimers about not really wanting to discuss the personal aspects of the divorce-why discuss it at all on the Internet? At least, wait until it’s over, not when things are still fresh and raw. I’ve seen your post over at GRS and also here and it’s self-serving and pity seeking.

Regardless of how this affects your personal finances, there are just some things better left private. Facebook was enough to your personal friends and family members, keep it there and save some dignity for yourself because you sir, have none.

I wish you the best

Reply

36 Zennifer 4 February 2012 at 13:32

I remember reading many years back about how you kept separate bank accounts. I am still hoping to get married at some point, and being fairly successful have wondered about keeping separate finances. I am conflicted about this, do you feel this in any way contributed to your deciding to end your marriage?

Reply

37 jdroth 4 February 2012 at 14:30

The decision to have separate accounts had absolutely nothing to do with my decision.

Reply

38 Dana 5 February 2012 at 09:04

Sadly, this is a very common scenario. The wife sacrifices to provide financial and domestic stability so that the husband has the freedom to make his dreams come true. Once he achieves financial and personal success, he sheds the old life in favor of exciting new adventures. It’s not fair but it is, unfortunately, not unique.

Reply

39 Chris 6 February 2012 at 09:41

JD,

Long time reader of GRS and GFS, sorry to read about the divorce — no fun at all I’m sure. I hope you continue to be successful.

I recently went through the same issue of hunting health insurance as an individual and I wrote about it, I thought you might find it helpful:

http://blog.christopherrcooper.com/the-best-health-insurance-for-self-employed-and-entrepreneurs/

Cheers and good luck,

Chris

Reply

40 Lura 6 February 2012 at 16:50

Hi JD– I am long time reader of GRS, and seldom poster…. I just today tuned back in after awhile away. Read how you sold GRS and the divorce too. Selling GRS, I should have know by all the Ads… The divorce, I just wanted to say makes you a more real person to me that I actually relate to a bit better. being a single Mom I feel that GRS is often dominated by the DINK– double income no kids. I often have to sort that out and just focus on all the practical stuff that I came there for. I often felt peoples comments were to make themselves feel good… “look how much we have saved” etc… more of an ego stroking thing. It takes a stronger ego to be honest with yourself no matter what the cost and I applaud you. You may have lost readers, but you may gain some as well. Congrats on you future!!

Reply

41 Tisi 10 February 2012 at 19:25

So this sounds weird even to me, as I don’t know you personally and have only commented once or twice. Somehow in the years I have been reading your blog (since 2007!) I began to look up to you and Kris as an example of a healthy relationship. I don’t have any real life examples of that, and the self-screening quality of blogging means that your audience sees only what you want them to see. Yet some quality of good writing makes an audience feel they have a window into your life. I’m surprised by how emotionally invested I have become in a relationship that I do not have any true contact with.

That said, no one really knows whats going on inside of a marriage except the people in it. If at some point you and Kris become comfortable enough with your new relationship with each other and the changes in your life the led to it to share with the internet, I for one would appreciate filling the holes in the narrative.

Sometimes you wonder – If a couple who seemed so great at working with each other couldn’t make it – what chance does my much less ideal relationship have? I think that may have more to do with emotional comments you have gotten so far than anything else.

Reply

42 Christopher Harley 11 February 2012 at 02:19

Your situation reminds me of Laura Munson’s essay that appeared in the NY Times; “Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear.”

Reply

43 Maria 13 February 2012 at 11:41

I support your decision for privacy and normally I would not comment on a personal issue. However I have 3 friends going through divorce now, 2 initiated by the husband and one by the wife. In all 3 cases the recieving spouse did not move on until the divorce decree. I find it odd that Kris moved forward after just 6 weeks. She knew. Better yet she knew and accepted it. Good luck to you both in your next chapter. Does Kris have a blog? Her perspective could help others. Cheers

Reply

44 Spiritmom 24 May 2012 at 20:12

Marriage is for keeps. You’ll be sorry. Wrong decision, buddy.

Reply

You can use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Previous post:

Next post: