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Seeing the mystery.

My continued quest to “do nothing” — to be retired — is bearing fruit. In the month since I returned from my Arctic cruise, I’ve given myself the grace to do whatever I want to do in the moment without criticism or judgment. Many folks think this sort of attitude leads to wanton hedonism. It hasn’t with me. In fact, I’m less hedonistic with this attitude than when I’m forcing myself to adhere to a “productive” mindset.

Instead, I spend my time doing things that bring me happiness. Sometimes these choices are purely pleasure-driven, for sure.

  • I sit on the porch with the dog. She watches the world go by (paying particular attention for squirrels). I read manga (currently working through Blue Period) or Nero Wolfe novels or philosophy/self-help.
  • I walk downtown to catch a movie. It’s a 2.7-mile/53-minute walk to two theaters. One plays old films on Wednesday nights (Raiders of the Lost Ark, Stand by Me, etc.). The other is a living-room theater that plays first-run flicks like Barbie. Then I walk home in the warm darkness (which borders on magical).
  • I sit at my desk and draw while listening to Taylor Swift tunes (lo-fi Tswift!). I’ve resigned myself to the fact that in order to ever get good at art, I have to be shitty at art first. Fine. Let’s get the shitty stuff out of the way. And let’s have fun while doing it!

But often my choices are productive. Sometimes what I want to do in the moment is to work on the house or yard. Sometimes I want to learn. Sometimes I want to write. Sometimes I want to work on this website.

The key habit I’ve been trying to build for the past two months is to stop judging myself — and others. My deep epiphany during 23 days on a cruise ship in June was that I’ve spent too much of my life being critical of everything and everyone, and I’ve been especially critical of myself. This has to stop. It serves no useful purpose.

I’m doing the best I can, right? What if other people are doing their best too? If that’s the case, then it’s mean-spirited and unhelpful to be so harsh in my judgment. So, I’m slowly learning to let it go.

Anyhow, just feeling a bit introspective this morning.

Typically I would post something like this to Facebook, but my aim is to discipline myself to publish nearly everything here instead. Today I remembered to do so! My goal is to make this personal blog personal once more. And a blog. This is a first step.

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Sinéad O’Connor has died. She was 56. I don’t usually get torn up about celebrity deaths — these people are complete strangers, after all — but I’ll admit this one makes me sad. You see, for 35 years I’ve considered Sinéad O’Connor my “soul artist”. Her music moves me.

I first heard Sinéad during my freshman year of college. As near as I can remember, it was Thanksgiving or Christmas break 1987. I know there weren’t many kids in the dorm. I was around, though, as was E. Alanna Malone, the funky chick who lived next door. Alanna and I hung out together one evening, and she played a new casette tape with a sound like nothing I’ve ever heard before. That tape was The Lion and the Cobra by Sinéad O’Connor.

I was taken aback by Sinéad’s music initially. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it either. I thought it was weird. But as a fan of Irish pop/rock — U2 was my favorite band at the time — I gave Sinéad a chance. Before long, I’d moved past the “weirdness” of The Lion and the Cobra and embraced it as something truly amazing.

To this day, the song “Jackie” — which opens the album — is one of my favorites to beller. (I have a playlist called “beller” and this was the first song I put on it.) When the mood strikes me, I crank up the music and wail this along with Sinéad. It’s a haunting song of love and loss that gains momentum over its short length (not even 2.5 minutes!). (Years later when I was taking Spanish lessons, I came to love the song “En el muelle de San Blas” by Mexican band Maná. It has a similar theme and feel. I almost think it’s intentional.)

As much as I love “Jackie”, though, the standout on The Lion and the Cobra is “Troy”, another song of love and loss. “Troy” starts soft and slow, like a distant memory. But during its 6.5-minute length, the song builds and it builds and it builds until it’s a bitter, ferocious anthem foreshadowing Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughtta Know”, which was still eight years off.

“I will rise. And I will return. THE PHOENIX FROM THE FLAME! I have learned. I will rise. And you’ll see me return. Being what I am, there is no other Troy for me to burn.”

Let me be clear: All of The Lion and the Cobra is good, but these two songs stand out.

Two years later, Sinéad released her second album, I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got. I was a college junior when the record was released, and I was in a different place in life. Still, Sinéad spoke to me. Everyone else loved her cover of Prince’s “Nothing Compares 2 U”, but I thought it was one of the weakest songs on the album. Me? I liked “I Am Stretched On Your Grave”, “The Last Day of Our Acquaintance”, and “I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got”.

But of all the songs on the album — of all Sinéad’s songs across the years — the one that grabbed me most was “The Emperor’s New Clothes”.

“The Emperor’s New Clothes” is, was, and always be like a personal manifesto for me. Her worldview in this is my worldview. Sure, we have different life experiences, no doubt. But it’s like she is speaking directly to me with this song. Or directly for me.

Here are the lyrics (with bold emphasis for the bits that mean the most to me today.

Everyone can see what’s going on
They laugh ’cause they know they’re untouchable
Not because what I said was wrong
Whatever it may bring
I will live by my own policies
I will sleep with a clear conscience
I will sleep in peace

Sinéad O’Connor’s third album in 1992 got shitty reviews, but I never understood why. Am I Not Your Girl? is an album of pop standards, filled with songs made famous by Doris Day, Billie Holiday, Peggy Lee, and more. I thought Sinéad’s voice and style were perfect for this material; others disagreed.

It was about this time that Sinéad famously tore up a photo of the Pope while performing on Saturday Night Live. Today, this would barely merit a mention. Thirty years ago, that act destroyed her career. (Never mind that history has vindicated her.)

Sinéad’s 1994 album, Universal Mother, was laser focused on her new role as a parent. Songs like “My Darling Child”, “All Babies”, and “John I Love You” showed a softer, maternal side of her. Still, Sinéad’s fire was never going to be quenched. Her passion blazed, burning up tracks like “Fire on Babylon”, a song about child abuse.

After this album, Sinéad was dormant for many years. I listened to her first four records again and again and again. Nowadays, I pretty much have Taylor Swift on repeat. I didn’t listen to Sinéad that much, but I listened to her a lot. And when she released Faith and Courage in 2000, I bought it right away.

Faith and Courage is a mixed bag for me — she was entering her deeply religious phase — but it did contain two standout songs: “No Man’s Woman” and “Daddy I’m Fine”. Both of these songs are classic passionate Sinéad. (“Daddy I’m Fine” was co-written with Dave Stewart, one half of the Eurythmics.)

“Daddy I’m Fine” is another Sinéad anthem about being STRONG. She was, as she says, a strong independent pagan woman singing. And when she sang, she helped me feel strong too.

I got myself a big fat plan
Gonna be a singer in a rock ‘n’ roll band
And I’m gonna change everything I can
Sorry to be disappointing
Wasn’t born for no marrying
Wanna make my own living singing
Strong independent Pagan woman singing

For a long time, I felt like I was the only Sinéad fan left in the world. I’ve never met anyone in Real Life who liked her music as much as I do. But that’s the magic of the internet, right? Over the past ten years, I’ve learned there are plenty of us who appreciate what Sinéad O’Connor did.

Here’s a typical YouTube comment on one of her videos: “This song is so incredible. This woman is so incredible. This album is so incredible. Hands down one of the most overlooked artists in modern music. She is a hero. Maybe one day one people will see her as such.”

Amen.

I think the reason Sinéad never found widespread success beyond “Nothing Compares 2 U” is simple. She was decades ahead of her time. If she were recording the same music today, if she were a star today, she’d fit in. She might be huge. (As much as I love TSwift, I often think that Sinéad did it first — and better.) But O’Connor was twenty to thirty years early with her music and message. The world wasn’t ready.

Well, that’s not quite true. I was ready. I loved her music. I heard her message. And judging from the eulogies I’m reading today, I’m not the only one. Sinéad O’Connor was singing to an almost-invisible group of folks. She gave us strength. She still gives us strength today.

See also: “Sinéad O’Connor remembers things differently” at The New York Times (gift article).

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Recently, a friend asked me for advice on investing. This happens frequently. After writing about money for twenty years, people seek my advice on a variety of subjects. I used to provide detailed answers when people asked me questions. Nowadays, I direct them to existing tools and resources.

And for investing advice? Really, there’s only one source I recommend: J.L. Collins. The advice Collins offers — passively invest in low-cost index funds — is neither new nor revolutionary. What sets Collins apart is his delivery. His presentation of this information is clear, concise, and comprehensive.

When my friend asked about investing recently, I sent her this hour-long video of Collins explaining his philosophy for the folks at Google.

That’s everything anyone needs to know about how to invest successfully. But if I feel like a person needs a deeper dive, I’ll direct them to Collins’ book, The Simple Path to Wealth (print, audio), in which he’s able to provide more detail. (And for the deepest dive of all, I suggest people read Collins’ blog.)

Too many people try to overcomplicate investing. Too many people pay others to provide subpar investment results. This really is something you can do yourself — and the map laid out in The Simple Path to Wealth offers clear instructions for how to achieve your investing goals.

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Optimizing for joy.

Hello, friends. It has been a l-o-n-g time since I’ve written online. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve been writing a ton at Facebook. In fact, it’s as if Facebook has become my personal blog. But that’s about to change. Everything is about to change. Let’s talk about it.

As you’re well aware, 2022 was one hell of a year for me. It was a year of death and destruction. That sounds like hyperbole, I know, but it’s not. It felt as if my world were crumbling around me.

After my mom died in October, I made a vow. I was going to do whatever it took to get myself back to the same mental and physical spaces I inhabited a decade ago. That span of time between 2012 and 2016 was Peak J.D., and I wanted more of it. Maybe I couldn’t achieve exactly the same state of mind, but surely I could get closer than I’ve been the past few years.

Optimizing for Joy

To that end, I asked myself: What was I doing differently then than I’m doing now? I made a list. I dubbed 2023 the year of me. As corny as it sounds, I began to “optimize for joy”. I began to take action. The action was effective.

Here are some of the things I’ve been doing:

  • I’ve been traveling. I spent some time in Colorado in February, a week in Mexico in March, and I just returned from a month-long solo trip through the Scottish isles, up the coast of Norway, reaching briefly to Svalbard, then ending with a week in Iceland. I did a whole lotta nothing.
  • I’ve been reading. Earlier in the year, I spent a lot of time reading books on mental health and self-improvement. Then I discovered the Nero Wolfe novels of Rex Stout. Wolfe and Stout have helped me rekindle my love of books. This year, I’ve been reading more books than I have since…maybe 2006? It’s great fun.
  • I’ve been exercising. I’ve been hitting the gym religiously three days per week. Sometimes more. Things were frustrating at first, but now I’ve developed some strength and have lost some weight. I haven’t returned to the peak fitness I enjoyed 2012-2014, but I’m getting there. I’m about to shift my focus from strength training to aerobics and flexibility for a few months, but I’ll return to weightlifting by the end of the year.
  • I’ve been hanging out with friends. For a variety of reasons — travel, COVID, moving, etc. — my social life has been lousy for a long time. This year, I’m deliberately making time for friends, both old and new.
  • I’ve been medicating. For years, I’ve resisted using drugs to address my mental-health problems. I’ve always believed that I should be able to dig myself out of the dark, dark holes I get into. Sometimes that works. Often it doesn’t. In April, I asked my doctor for help. She prescribed Wellbutrin. After a rocky start with the stuff, I find that it’s helping me keep my demons at bay. It feels great to feel human once more.

These are the things I’ve been adding to my life during the Year of J.D. There are also things I’ve given up. Those include:

  • Hearthstone. For nine years, I’ve been addicted to Hearthstone, a digital card game. I choose the word “addicted” purposefully. I’ve tracked my play before, and I tend to average two hours of Hearthstone per day. That’s insane. Still, I couldn’t stop. But you know what? The day I started taking Wellbutrin, my urge to play the game vanished. I’ve played a total of two hours of Hearthstone in the past three months, which is a far cry from two hours per day. (I haven’t given up gaming entirely, though. Currently playing Zelda on the Switch and loving it. But it’s not an addictive behavior. Haven’t played at all for a week.)
  • Reddit. I know a lot of people get sucked into Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. None of those have a compulsive draw for me. (I’ve always hated Twitter. I use Facebook sparingly, and really only to share stuff with my friends.) But Reddit? Man oh man, Reddit has sucked a ton of time from my life. I’ll scroll mindlessly for hours looking at dumb stuff. My urge to do so has declined since I started taking Wellbutrin, and the recent actions of the site’s leadership have served as the final straw. I’ve given it up.
  • Get Rich Slowly. That’s right: This time off has helped me to see that I need to give up GRS. Again. I never should have repurchased the site. I can’t explain why — and I don’t need to, honestly — but GRS acts as a weight around my neck. It’s a psychological burden. My life is better when I’m not writing about money.

I thought for a time that I wanted to give up online life entirely. I have some strong opinions about the modern internet and its negative effects on society. I don’t want to be a part of something that I believe is destroying our world. But I’ve realized that I need to practice what I preach.

Practicing What I Preach

You see, I often urge my friends who are angry about the state of the world to do something instead of complaining. If you don’t like how Mississippi, say, does things, then move to Mississippi and contribute to the change. Don’t try to dictate what Mississippi does from the comfort of your home in Oregon. That’s bullshit on so many levels.

If I were to abandon the internet completely, I’d be surrendering. I’d be saying, “Okay, I give in. The SEO spammers and AI websites and social-media stooges win.” I don’t want to do that. I don’t necessarily want to wage war on these things, but I do want to provide — in some very small way — an alternative to all of the bullshit that’s out there.

Besides, I like to write. I’ve been writing online for 26 years. This is a part of who I am. During my extended hiatus, I’ve felt like a part of me is missing. While traveling recently, I published photos and stories to Facebook every single day. It was fun! It made me realize how much I miss writing for the web.

So, I’m going to return to writing for the web. But I’m not going to write on just one topic. I’m not going to publish at a niche site…like Get Rich Slowly. I’m going to write at my personal blog in a personal style. If there are people who want to read what I write (and even join the conversation), great. If not, also great. I’m going to write for myself — because it’s what I need to do to process my thoughts and feelings, because writing has been a part of who I am for nearly fifty years.

The Bottom Line

I’ve reached an agreement with my business partner, Tom Drake, that gives him control of Get Rich Slowly while allowing me to use my money writing in whatever way I choose. Basically, he’ll take over GRS and do with it what he thinks is best, and I’ll move my online world — my entire online world — to jdroth.com while still being able to use the articles I’ve written in the past.

For those unfamiliar with Tom, in some ways he’s the Canadian me. I’ve been called “the Godfather of money blogging” (and, more recently, “the grandfather of money blogging”). Well, Tom is the Godfather of Canadian money blogging. He’s been writing about personal finance since 2009. Tom runs many sites, but is best known for Maple Money.

Maybe I’ll write something for GRS now and then. But maybe not. When I do, those articles will be published simultaneously at both Get Rich Slowly and at Folded Space. (Folded Space is the name of the personal blog I publish at jdroth.com.) This article, for instance, is appearing at the same time in both places.

So, that’s where I am. I’ve had a happy and productive first six months of 2023. Making this the “year of me” was super smart. I’m in great shape physically and mentally, and things continue to improve. I’m eager to see what the rest of the year has in store…

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Please stand by.

After months of cogitating about writing online in the future, I’ve come to the conclusion that I do want to continue doing so — and I want to do it here at my personal site.

I also want to gather all of my non-financial writing from various corners of the web and publish it here. That’s going to take time. And as I fuss with this site to get it in a state that makes me happy, there’ll be some strange stuff happening. Pages will be broken and/or goofy looking. Or, as at least one person has discovered, your RSS feed will be flooded with random garbage. Sorry about that.

If all goes according to plan, this site should be relatively functional within the next few days. (I want to say that it’ll be good to go by this evening, but I’m trying to be realistic.) It’ll probably take a year for the entire project to be completed though…

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Metropolis

Because I am a nerd, I like to “theme” my months and years. Doing so helps me keep on task. And it’s fun. One month, for instance, I might make it a goal to go the gym every day. Or maybe I’ll decide that February is devoted to reading books.

Well, this year’s theme is me. I’ve decided that 2023 is the Year of J.D. I’ve given myself permission to spend twelve months — 365 days! — doing what I want when I want to do it. That doesn’t mean I get to be a jerk. It just means that I get to pursue whatever makes me happy in the moment.

(more…)

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New year, new me

After months — years! — of hemming and hawing, I’ve made the decision to move on from writing about money as my (mostly) full-time gig. This was an accidental career anyhow, one that I fell into in April 2006.

I’m grateful for the time I spent writing books, blogs, and magazine articles about personal finance, but it’s clear that doing so no longer serves me. In fact, it’s been hindering me for a while now.

(more…)

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Since late September, I’ve found myself eagerly awaiting new weekly installments of a television show. This hasn’t happened for years. I think the last time I was this excited about a TV show was during the early 1990s when Star Trek: The Next Generation was my drug of choice. (more…)

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Nine Days

To escape the heat yesterday, Kim and I went to the movies. We saw “Nine Days” on a whim without any foreknowledge of the film. It is amazing. I give it my strongest possible recommendation. It’s thoughtful, beautiful, and unlike anything I’ve ever seen.

More like this, please! (Here’s a glowing review for the curious.)

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While mindlessly browsing the web this morning, I happened this 15-year-old comment at AskMetafilter. It is, in essence, a description of what I’m going to call “the snowball method” for writing a story.

Why snowball? Because the writing process builds upon itself, gaining size and speed as the work progresses. Here’s the entire comment from /u/unSane (with some editing by me to make it read more easily): (more…)

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