I Don’t Speak Chinese

31 March 2008 · 5 comments

For my birthday, Mom gave me a gift card to Land’s End. (Thanks, Mom!) Because my five-year-old slippers are dirty and stinky, I ordered a pair of mocassins. I didn’t expect them to be crafted by Native Americans, of course, but it was a little surprising to find that they were made in China.

I wore them for a couple of days with an annoying tag sticking out of each slipper. Finally, I tore the tags out in frustration. Before I threw them away, I checked to see if there was any important information. Turns out, it’s hard to tell. The tags are cryptic.

“What does this mean?” I said, showing a tag to Kris.

“I don’t know,” she said. “The slipper is made out of waffles?”

Anyone have a clue?

1 Lane March 31, 2008 at 13:26

upper part made of chipmunk hide (head and paws not included, tail is a bonus)

interior made of circuit boards

sole made of diamonds (thx Paul Simon)

2 Mom March 31, 2008 at 13:35

LOL, Lane. You’re very welcome, J.D. Maybe it’s a secret code message to President Bush meaning “We appreciate your business”?

3 john April 1, 2008 at 05:26

That picture of the shoe in the middle of the left hand column means that the slippers allow you to run as fast as The Flash!

I think the top right one has something to do with unitards.

Did you buy super hero slippers?

4 Dave April 1, 2008 at 12:02

Sheesh! Do I have to explain it all to you?

http://www.whatapair.com/UnderstandingShoeLabels.aspx

Basically, the first two symbols refer to the construction of the upper (using real leather, ie animal hide). The second two refer to the construction of the lining (it’s a woven fabric). The last two refer to the material of the sole (some other manmade stuff of undisclosed nature).

5 Sarah April 8, 2008 at 09:46

Now I thought: outer made of Madonna’s discarded early 90’s wardrobe, inner made of an aerial photo of a cube farm and the sole is empty.

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