Recently Kris shared some strange recipes from her father’s side of the family. Kris’ mom, Claudia, phoned to share a strange recipe from her side of the family. I promised that I would post it if she sent me e-mail. (Claudia is a technophobe — she refuses to touch a computer.)
Well, she didn’t actually write me an e-mail, but she did dictate one to Kris’ father. I guess that’s close enough. Here, then, is the top-secret McGee Family Hemorrhoid Remedy.
This hemorrhoid remedy came from Kris’ great-grandfather on my side of the family. He was Charles Isaac McGee who was born March 25, 1882 in Wellsville, Kansas [J.D.’s note: that’s exactly 87 years before I was born] and died October 22, 1965 [J.D.’s note: that’s exactly 1250 days before I was born] in Alhambra, California. I received the recipe from my aunt, Lorraine McGee (Charles’ daughter) who died December 15, 2000. Lorraine was one of seven children born to Charles and Eva McGee. My father, Claude W. McGee, was the middle child. The recipe:
Combine one teaspoon of Sulfur, 1/2 teaspoon of Vaseline, 2 or 3 grains of Salt, 3 drops of Mercurochrome. Do not use a metal spoon for mixing.
One has to wonder: if this mixture is not safe for a metal spoon, how on earth is it safe for your ass?